|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
Day 1in my hands i hold
the first shot burns as it flows
down my throat and then to my head
whiskey is my wine and vodka is my bread.
they cheer me on: drink another, drink again
and when i am all alone i just pretend.
it may not taste like love but it is all i know
the feeling cradles me as i sink down below.
the girl with the scars on her arms and heart
she forgets herself slowly, part by part.
every laugh that escapes as the cups go down
is one more laugh away from being drowned,
when they ask me if i am really okay,
if i really should drink anymore today,
my eyes meet theirs with a hallow smile on my face:
alcohol is not my problem, it's me wanting
to be erased.
a series of imperfectionsa series of imperfections marks my existence:
i am too short to reach for the sky
i am too heavy to leap up and fly,
i am too dark to see the into the light
i am too feminine to put up a fight.
at least, that's what they try to make me believe:
you need to know that we do not value you,
you need to know what we say is absolutely true,
you need to stay back where you are placed,
you need to give in and be erased.
in this society i am a blemish and yet here i am:
i stand with my arms reaching as high as they may,
i jump up to fly day after day
i look in the mirror and see only shine,
i am a woman and i protect what is mine.
Just Say ItThe room was silent as Alex stared around at his plain dorm walls. It was 10 PM on a Friday night and there he was studying for German class. With a sigh the thin boy leaned back in his chair and looked down at his vocabulary list.
"Ich liebe..." he began attempting to practice his pronunciation.
Before he could really get into saying what he liked though, the door shot open. Alex's blue eyes shot up in surprise as he saw his tanned skinned roommate burst through the door with a broad smile.
Raji's black hair hung wetly down the side of his head as he exclaimed, "Alex you'll never guess what I've gotten!"
Unsure what Raji could have gotten while taking a shower before he went out for his usual night on the town, Alex brushed his hand through his blond hair and sighed, "I don’t know Raji, did some guy sneak in there and give a blow job or something?"
The tall male smirked, "I wish." Then he hurried over to Alex's desk and crossed his arms triumphantly, “No what I’ve go
It feels so delicious
The nothing resting
At my center
At my core.
Every unappetizing rumble
Reminds me how close I am
To being bright
To becoming better
Than what I use to be.
The fatigue always kicks,
Tears at my brain.
Though the bones peek beautifully
Through my pallid skin
My body cannot function
On what I don't put in.
The blackouts do scare me
When they decide to pop up
Once I was in class learning,
No food for two days.
In Algebra I guess that must equal
Running to the restroom
And collapsing into waste.
There's doctors who want to diagnose me
Who want to stick me in a pin
With little tubes of 'nourishment'
So the disgusting fat can win.
Like hell I'll let them though,
I'm fine as fine can be...
I don't need you to help me.
BeautyBeauty beauty beauty
They say beauty does not matter.
They are fucking liars.
My large nose clashes
With their scuplted norm
My broad little shoulders
Are simply out of form.
Were I a foot taller
Were I skinny and clean
Then maybe, perhaps
The world wouldn't be so
And maybe boys wouldn't run
At the sight of my
Imperfect wild hair
If beauty didn't matter
Then Seventeen Magazine wouldn't
Make me wanna care
To hide my ugly face
Or losing 5 pounds
Till I barely take up space.
They keep telling me
Those beautiful people do
"Its alright to be be ugly"
Well, I guess
Someone has to.
Headphones Tell the TruthDear Diary,
When you still hate someone,
lovethem just as much.
Though you pass them in the hallways
And pretend you don't know them,
The music blaring from your headphones
Tells the truth:
Adele, Christina Perri, Abba
Someone like You, Arms, the Winner Takes it All.
Who knew there were so many
Broken hearted songs?
Songs for girls like you who've
Let their heart win
And lost all they thought they had?
When you hate someone so much your heart hurts,
Then diary, I believe,
You may be keeping yourself from
Such lovely, other songs.
FriendshipI hope you're reading this,
But you're probably not.
Because you can't be bothered with caring
That might make you realize
What an asshole you are.
I'm not here to call names though
No, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do
At least, to you.
What I'm here for is not to grovel on my knees either
It's not to say how much I miss
Your anger, your hate, your unjustified envy.
The reason I'm here is just to promise
I'm just not perfect
It's to assure you
I cry at night when no one's looking,
I lose myself in the flow,
Sometimes I think I'm not me anymore,
But I am, I am,
I'm becomming everything I'm supposed to
No, I'll never hate you again.
No matter what,
I won't hate you.
And I won't be jelous, and I won't love,
Honestly I feel sorry for you.
Because you are so very sad,
Just like me.
Yeah, I Hate My ParentsYeah,I hate my parents.
Like every other teenager,
I wallow in angst and ask why in the world
I was born to such screw ups.
Her shiny fake smile to the world,
Her irked real face
Her complaining and whining
Her lack of any sort of parental responsilbilty.
She's a teenager just like me.
One moment we're friends
The next I wish I had someone who would stop me
Who would worry,
I don't want a friend for a mother.
His cynical view of the world
His phone calls once every year
His guilt stained Christams money
Finally remembering his sperm created a breathing creature.
He's a teenager just like me.
One moment we're friends
The next I wish I had a Daddy to spoil me
Like in one of those
Cheesy father daughter movies.
My self important feelings of loneliness
My blame that I enjoy dishing out but not gulfing down
My heart which reach outs to Mom and Dad
To stop short once it remembers every let down they ever put me through.
I'm just a teenager
One moment I
To: YouThrough my fingers slip your grasp
It happens fast
And I taste the past
Like metal, and thorns, and a three week old donut
It leaves a nasty after taste.
You never knew where you were treading
All I saw was
The direction you weren't heading.
It was far from me and closer to her
What was I to do?
It's been months now since I've heard
Since you made
Do you miss me?
I doubt it.
Did you kiss me?
I'm left here alone contemplating the difference
Between love and lust
Between hurt and humour
Sometimes I look at your number still on my cellphone and smile
Then I remember the last phone call we had,
And how much it
Thought I'd never be here again
Thought I was as strong as superman, superwoman, or whatever
But you really screwed me up, jerk.
I don't know what love is any more,
Thanks to you.
I'm scared I'll fall again
Into a deeper hole that's not even love at all.
What do I do?
What love is true?
I hate this, I hate you,
As much as I hate the fact
Unable to loveMy love was pure
I only wanted
But my heart
Because my love
Like a piece of garbage
And now I'm unable
Because the shreds
Of my shattered soul
now i see the stars.there was a time when i
couldn't catch my breath whenever i
thought about you , (crippled lungs and-
boy, you hit me like an asteroid,
there's a crater on my chest now that I can't ever seem to fill,
oceans of my tears cried on
nights when you couldn't be there to sing me to sleep.
thirty two poemless days after you joined the constellations,
i walked out into the yard and howled to the empty sky,
for a moment i was Gaea, rivers running down my cheeks,
weighted to the ground and
buried in myself, but
where there is no light there are no shadows, and
sometimes, i wonder if i miss me.
yes, yes i do.
i may not see the moon, but
MathematicsI am but the sum of my
F L A W S;
a network of
S C A R S
a disaster of
D R E A M S
a shield of
B O N E S
C A L C U L A T I O N
a void of
to the girl i lose my words aroundi have been meaning to tell you for years:
i think you’re beautiful. i have
seen nothing on earth that holds a candle
to the ocean you carry inside your body.
it spills over your edges sometimes, like
a rain shower around you, blurring your penciled-in
lines until there is nothing left of you but your natural
cliffs, valleys, and deserts.
i like that.
i have never met someone who is, somehow,
a sea and a storm at the same time.
maybe i never will again.
maybe you are the only one
who gathers clouds on her forehead
like a promise, or feels the push and pull of the tide
with her every step.
you are beautiful, honestly.
you are honest, beautifully.
it is in the way you talk, the way you hold ice
on your tongue but forget to use it—
you always forget to use it, i don’t think
you know how.
to be truthful, i’m afraid of your smile
and how it breaks over me, how it pulls
me like a whirlpool down, how it pushes me
like a current back to the surface. i’m afraid of
i am made of nights like theseativan boy, you cannot empty out this skull -
not with a pen nor with a bullet. you can
be my hallowed head(case) for spitting out
words like teeth; oh, but i will only love you
when you're weary. i will keep crows caged
between your lungs like veins, like palpitations.
i will rot you through bones & car radios,
but i will never get (you) out of your skin.
ScienceI am more than my
F L A W S;
a masterpiece of
S C A R S
a delicacy of
D R E A M S
a sculpture of
B O N E S
R E A C T I O N
a well of
Abuse Is Sometimes NecessaryPush and pull at her long hair, topple her to the solid ground,
elbow her sharply in the raw gut, shove her harshly around.
Scratch him in the pale face, punch him in the broken jaw,
do anything necessary to him that's considered breaking the law.
And when she cries because you've punched her, let her be,
and observe her when she returns to her habitual smoking.
When she passes out next day, because she's drunken too much booze,
slap her in the face once more, though many would consider it abuse.
When he can hardly walk because he thinks he's high in the clouds,
rip the needle out of his arm, and with your nails, slash him across the sweaty brow.
Grab them and shake them till their battered and bruised,
tear at their heart, scream in their ears until you've reached the point of verbal abuse.
And when she falls into your chest, and he collapses to the ground,
pull them closely, and whisper, “We can turn this all around.”
And rehab is a necessity for all of you, because you'v
surgeryi promised not to scar
my skin. so i cut out my
brain and hurled it into
just like cancer, the worst of me is dead.
Good (Great, Greater, Greatest, You)Good (Great, Greater, Greatest, You)
I hope the title caught your eye,
because this is about you.
Many of us speak in superlatives
and ambiguous language.
In imagery-laden text masquerading
underneath double entendres
keeping us from a part of the truth.
But purple streaks and red bands,
harp strings and soft hands
don't begin to explain
the love I have for you.
So I lay these words down
simple in its vulnerability,
blemished and raw in its purity.
The term lissome fits you in many ways,
but not necessarily it its textbook form.
I speak on the part that is not readily seen
but what is easily most cogent.
Your consciousness' cognizance
is graceful in the way
you fold one syllable over
another, supple in its meaning
that can take many forms
going from idle lies
to how we idolize hollow eyes
and uncovered hip bones.
Elegance is an understatement,
but I refuse to speak in cliche superlatives.
I speak honestly
but not with exaggerated grandeur.
Because your immediate app
Keep in Touch!